My Big, Fat, SoulCalibur Wedding
by ShadowoftheSunLord
Summary: Its Raph and Cass's wedding. What could go wrong? Everything. Frequent use of F-bomb and sex situations.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Soul Calibur or its characters except D. Disciple, my custom character in SCIV.

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Cassandra took one shaky nervous breath after another, in an attempt to calm her self as she stood in the mirrored halls of the temple of Aphrodite, wearing her sisters' wedding gown.

"Sophitia…I can't do this." She whispered.

Her sister stood up from tailoring the dress and gave her an annoyed look.

"You've been saying that for the past hour Cass; you are going to marry him!"

Cassandra recalled the moment when Raphael asked her to be his wife. They were both battered from a battle with Nightmare's soldiers.

"Cassandra, my love," He had said. "If through divine grace we survive…will you marry me?"

She had almost forgotten the fray around her; there was only her and him. Then, they fought on; fueled by the will to live for their spouse.

Cassandra snapped back to reality and asked her sister an important question.

"Sophie, what do you think of him?"

Sopitia let out a snort.

"Do you really want to know? I think Raphael is a horny bastard who would fuck anything even remotely female."

Cassandra screwed up her face in anger.

"Hey! I didn't say anything when you marred that nervous wreck of a husband!"

Sophitia sighed.

"Cassy as long as you love him, the rest of us will deal with it. But if he backs out, so help me Hephaestus I will castrate him with rusty fire tongs!"

"How do I look Sophie?" Cassandra asked, changing the subject.

Sophitia smiled. "Aphrodite would be jealous."

Cassandra thought about this and then squealed.

"I'm getting _married_!"

* * *

_What the fuck am I doing?_

Raphael was still hung over from his bachelor party the night before. Although the liquor flowed freely, and Siegfried did know where to find the best "dancer" girls, his mind was on his upcoming marriage.

Raphael stood in his vast library, the only place where he could be alone, except for Derek.

Derek "Dark" Disciple was called such for his jet-black skin and ice blue eyes. He was one of the only people Raphael considered a friend and would be the best man.

He straightened the collar on his best suit coat.

"Derek, tell me I'm not making a mistake."

Derek stood there in his navy blue ceremonial _gi_, emotionless.

"If I say you are will you chaste and bitch at me?"

Raphael smiled as he attached Flambert to his belt. Cassandra Alexandria was defiantly a different breed of woman than he was used to. Born into the upper class of French society, he was familiar with women that were well mannered and socialized. Cass, on the other hand, was a polar opposite. She came from the working class of Greece and was loud, angry and tomboyish.

That was why he wanted her.

After a year of keeping their relationship a secret, (it was no secret to anyone that slept within a mile of the Sorel castle), he had come out and proposed.

_What was I thinking?_

"Derek, I know something is on your mind, so just say it."

Derek sighed.

"You know I have nothing against Ms. Alexandria, but with her being a Greek, and a commoner also, I wonder if this is good for the Sorel name?

Raphael stiffened.

"There is no more Sorel name."

Derek bowed, and they departed.


	2. Chapter 2

As Raphael walked to the cathedral with Derek in tow, he had finally made up his mind to go through with the wedding.

_Even if I can't chase tail anymore, at least I'll have her and she'll be happy…aw shit, what if she hates being with me for life?_ Raphael smacked his head in defeat. The most they had had were a couple of flings, never anything committed.

But he had wanted to make this perfect for her, so he enlisted some outside help.

It was a while ago, back when Siegfried was Nightmare and those newcomers had shown up. He had remembered them. One was a costume-wearing fellow who claimed to be from the future, in a place called 'America'. Surely, he did not mean the colonies over seas…. What was his name…? Spawn, yes. He had confronted Raphael about the Soul Edge. The other was a monster of a fighter, _literally_. He was a deformed warrior, changed by Soul Edge's evil. With the help of the Talim girl, they were able to reawaken the human side of the beast. She said his name is 'Necrid.'

Raphael had contacted Necrid for help at the wedding. He was a feared demon, but Necrid had owed him his life and he would not go back on his word. As they approached the cathedral, they saw him standing out side, wearing a huge suit. Derek actually paled when he saw him, and quickly walked inside. Raphael approached him.

"Whatever happens, DO NOT LET THE WEDDING STOP!"

"ashologhn," he grunted in his strange language, and gave a bow; meaning he understood.

Cassandra and Sophitia were bringing Raphael's step daughter, Amy, to the wedding with the organizer Yunsueng and maid of honor Talim. Every one was relatively calm except Cassandra, who was sweating beads.

"Oh my gods…what if he doesn't love me?"

Sophitia smiled.

"Cassy dear, we've been over this. If he backs out, I will kill him or Yunsueng will rape him."

Yunsueng got bright red.

"For the last time, I am not gay!" he screamed. "I LIKE BOOBIES!"

The three women gave him a look that could shatter glass.

"I'm not gay," he murmured "and I will prove it…"

"WHAT?" Raphael hissed.

"I already told you, I didn't buy it," Derek murmured

"Well, where did you get it?"

"Yoshimitsiu"

"Well where did **he** get it?"

"Probably stole it. Oh, and it _might_ be counterfeit…"

"Son of a bitch!" He cursed.

"Don't worry, it looks real…"

"Derek, do me a favor and piss off."

The wedding was going smoothly and everyone had arrived. Raphael was waiting for Cassandra to show up (he hoped she didn't notice the ring might be fake…). Suddenly the organ played and the bridal procession made its way down. He was in absolute shock of her appearance; she looked stunning. Talim took her place next to Derek.

"Everyone showed up, except for Kilik and Xhanghua" she whispered. "Necrid said that he saw them doing…you know…in the catacombs." She made a gesture with her hands and he got the message. He had also not seen Siegfried, but that was for the best.

"Dearly beloved…" the bishop began the vows.

_This is it, _he thought

_Oh my gods, I'm getting married, _she thought

"…and if there is anyone who feels these two should not get married, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Now Mitsaguri had come from a long trip, so he had stayed at the inn. Naturally, they had served the lowest quality of food, which caused major indigestion. He felt the need to sneak out and relieve himself with cesspit. Unfortunately for him, he had chosen to stand up when the priest asked them to 'speak now or forever hold your peace' and Necrid, taking Raphael's request to a T, saw that as a threat.

"Worooa…" Necrid charged and caught the samurai in a flying tackle, effectively sending him out the unfinished window and, sadly, the cathedral happened to be a good three stories off the ground.

Everyone stopped to stare at Necrid, who discreetly sunk back to the shadows. No one tried standing up for the rest of the ceremony.

The Bishop cleared his throat and continued.

"Do you, Raphael Sorel, take Cassandra Alexandra to be your wife, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer?"

He smiled "I do."

"And do you, Cassandra Alexandra, take Raphael Sorel to be your husband, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer?"

"I do."

"Then by the power vested in me by the Church, I pronounce you husband and wife. Let no man divide what God has joined. You may now kiss."

As they pulled in and their lips connected, a strange feeling overcame them. They had kissed before, but it had no meaning. Now this kiss was filled with meaning, to love and support one another.

The bishop flashed a grin. "Congratulations! Before you depart, your signature is required on this document. It's for legal reasons of your marriage."

The priest produced a piece of parchment, filled with writing of a strange language, and two pens. It seemed to be a form of Latin, though none of the words was familiar. Just as Cassandra was about to sign her name, the doors in the back of the building burst open and a blast of green fire struck the priest.

"Malibogia, you will not escape this time!"

Everyone turned to see a familiar, though not welcome, sight of a tall costumed man brandishing a battle-axe.

The priest stood up, his skin melting off to reveal his demonic form.

"Hell spawn!" he hissed. "Why do you continue to defy me?

Spawn jumped forward and drilled a spinning kick to the demons chest, sending him flying into a pool of holy water. The demon screamed an un-earthly sound.

"You cannot stop me!" The demon then disappeared.

The newly weds turned to Spawn, demanding an explanation.

Spawn held up the wedding document. "This was a contract to sell your souls to that son of a bitch. I just saved you from 8,000,000 years of damnation and ending up like me, your welcome."

Spawn looked around at them.

"Oh yea, congratulations Frenchy. I knew you and Miss bipolar would go places."

Spawn ducked to avoid a gallon of holy water thrown by Cassandra.

"Hey, be careful with that stuff; you saw what it did to Maliogia. Oh and by the way, that wedding ring is fake. Enjoy!"

Spawn dashed out of the church, leaving Raphael to deal with a very angry Cassandra.

_Oh fuck…_

s

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sorry if it was really corny, 1 more chapter.


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